October is National Bullying Prevention Month, which makes it a good time to talk with students about what bullying actually looks like and what they can do when they see it happening. These conversations do not have to be complicated. In fact, some of the most important conversations may happen after a student says, “It was just a joke,” or “I was only kidding.” That is when we can slow down and ask, “How do you think the other person felt?” Sometimes students need help understanding that intent and impact are not always the same thing. Here is an easy guide to beginning the conversation with your students about bullying.
Today, bullying takes many different forms. Bullying can be physical or verbal, but it can also be social or happen online. A student might be repeatedly left out, have rumors spread about them, receive hurtful messages, or become the target of embarrassing posts or pictures. And sometimes the hardest part is figuring out what to do when you are not the person being targeted. As educators, we have an opportunity to prepare students for any upcoming conflicts by starting the conversation.
Talking through real-life scenarios before students are in the middle of one is a great way to begin the conversation about bullying. Give students a situation and ask, “What would you do?” You may get some interesting answers. You may also get a few that make you think, Okay...we definitely need to talk about this. Students do not always need to know whether something officially “counts” as bullying before they can talk to an adult about it. If something is making them uncomfortable, making them feel unsafe, or recurring, it is worth addressing.
Perhaps the biggest piece that educators miss when teaching about bullying is not what it is or how to spot it, but it's how bullying works. Bullying feeds on social power derived from a crowd. When a bully has no one watching, their sense of power diminishes. It's important not to forget to teach students that they play a larger role in bullying than they think. Students who understand how bullying works can largely reduce bullying at their school by simply not participating. Walking away can be quite powerful.
You may not know which students need to hear these conversations, but giving students the words, confidence, and knowledge to recognize when something is wrong can make a difference when they need it most. Here are 5 conversations you can have with your students before bullying becomes a real issue, and students don't know how to deal with it.
One of the biggest challenges for students is knowing what to say when they are put in uncomfortable situations. They may know something is wrong but still freeze because they do not want to make the situation worse or become the next target. Instead of simply telling students to “speak up,” give them specific language to use when students find themselves in tricky situations. A few ideas are:
"That's not okay."
"Let's go find an adult."
"You can come sit with us."
"I don't think we should be sharing that."
Or, if they are uncomfortable getting involved directly, they can tell a trusted adult. Being an upstander does not mean students have to put themselves in an unsafe situation.
Students need to know that adults are there to help them work through situations that they cannot handle on their own. It is also important to listen before jumping straight into solutions. If a student tells you something happened, start with questions such as, “Tell me what happened,” “Has this happened before?” and “What do you need right now?” Those questions can give you much more information than immediately asking, “Why didn't you tell someone sooner?”
The goal is not to make students believe they are responsible for solving every problem themselves. It is to help them recognize problems, make safe choices, and know when to bring an adult into the situation. So sometimes, the most important thing a student needs to hear is simply, “I'm glad you told me.”
While October’s bullying prevention emphasis may give schools a reason to begin the conversation, it should not be the end of it. Keep finding natural opportunities to discuss how students treat one another, what they see happening around them, and how they can respond when something is not right.
At Mobile Ed, Quest for Kindness gives students an opportunity to explore some of these ideas through an engaging shared experience. While bullying prevention involves much more than kindness, conversations about respect, empathy, and personal choices can help students think about the impact they have on the people around them. Invite a program like Quest for Kindness to your school to help…
Click below to learn more about Quest for Kindness or contact our team here to learn more about our educational programs.
If you are looking for more ideas, conversation starters, and resources to help your school address bullying, visit StopBullying.gov. Their bullying prevention resources offer practical information for educators, parents, and students.